First, and foremost, it’s ironic that I’m a sex blogger because one might assume that if I write about sex I’m confident and know what the fuck I’m doing.
I’m not…and I don’t. I do not consider myself an expert in anything that I write about on this site…other than maybe writing (I have a lovely certificate from a lovely university that says I do pretty much know what I’m doing there…some of the time).
Not everyone who writes about sex is an extrovert who would easily talk to a crowd in person about sex they way they can while hiding behind a pseudonym, like I do.
Second, it’s ironic that I’m a sex blogger because I don’t have all that much sex. I mean…I have more than some people, but it’s not like I’m having all kinds of crazy, kinky sex on a daily basis.
Third, it’s ironic that I’m a sex blogger because my day job is about 12 levels of conservative (I’m a secondary school teacher), and if anyone ever found out and made it public, I’d likely lose my job. Not that I’m doing anything illegal, but some people would assume that simply being open about sex is immoral. And I make it “worse” by publishing my personal sex life and putting naked photos on the internet. In my line of work, I’m not allowed to be human like this. But in a lot of ways, I understand that, because with my young clientele, knowing about my sex life would be completely inappropriate. It would change how they saw me and would make things highly uncomfortable, maybe even impossible in some regards. I wouldn’t be able to continue working in this town if they knew about my website.
Amidst all this irony, though, it makes perfect sense that I’m sex blogger in a lot of other ways.
It makes perfect sense that I’m sex blogger because we need all kinds of voices in this community. I’m a married, 40-something woman in a traditional marriage and family. I have sex about seven or eight times a month. I struggle with mental health issues, weight issues, libido issues… I’m pretty much as average as they come. And yet, even though I’m terrified of change and “new,” I’ve explored (successfully and unsuccessfully) non-monogamy, bi-sexuality, BDSM, and D/s. Writing about my experiences and sharing them with others can help them to navigate similar misgivings and experimentation.
Also, sex blogging allows me to hide behind a pen name. Even though there is always the possibility of being found out, I currently enjoy the safety of anonymity. And that anonymity affords me the freedom to be honest and vulnerable with my audience in a way that I otherwise would not be comfortable with. I’m an introvert and I have minor(?) social anxiety, so being able to be part of a vibrant community that is having important conversations about human issues that really matter…from the comfort and safety of my own home…is heaven.
I often feel like I’m living parallel lives…two divided ways of being that can never meet or cross. If they did, everything would change. There’s a huge part of me that wishes it could. The person I am online is probably more “me” than the person I am in my “real” life (more irony). But, coming out to the world as a sex-blogger would disappoint so many people in my life. I also worry about it embarrassing the shit out of my son. I don’t like to disappoint people. Maybe someday when my son moves away and my parents pass and I retire and the sky turns purple and everyone gets along…maybe then I’ll be able to live an undivided life.
But, probably not.