1. What was your favorite part of yesterday?
Masturbating. Video-taping it. And sending it to Mr. D as a surprise. This is not at all like me, and as I pushed the send button I sort of freaked out…but there was no “unsend” button to hit, so I was committed.
2. If you could make your own porn movie, what would you call it? Would you write it, direct and/or star in the movie?
“Unexpected” – I’d take cliche porn ideas (teacher/student, nurse/patient, lonely housewife/home maintenance professional) and alter them to make them less “expected.” Like…maybe the teacher seduces the student, but then the students friends surprise them and end up gang-banging the teacher. And maybe the nurse passes out, only to wake up the the patient tying her to the exam table. And maybe the lonely housewife is actually a dominatrix who keeps home maintenance professionals in her dungeon for later play. Yeah…there are some consent issues there – but it’s fantasy, so I’m gonna say I’m okay with that.
3. What do you like the least about sex?
The fact that I have to get up and pee right away after to avoid UTIs. UTIs are stupid.
4. So, now what are you planning to do?
Make nachos and iron. Sexy, eh?
5. If you were a box of cereal, what would you be and why?
Something healthy-ish (nuts, seeds, granola) with a touch of sweet (honey and cranberries?), made from organic, fair trade ingredients. Because I’m a good person like that. Or maybe because…I’m a little nuts, but I try to be healthy, and I have a semi-sweet side. There’d probably be walnuts, too…because every once in awhile you get a bad one that makes the whole side of your jaw contract. I can do that, too…so I want to be honest about things.
Bonus: If you could shrink down to ant-sized, what would you do?
Follow the ants into my wall to find out where the hell they are all coming from…and then tell them all to fuck off and stop coming around here.