This week’s Wicked Wednesday post is “technical sex,” or more specifically, this question: 

What technical aspect of sex do you find tricky?

As with many prompts, I often start by simply looking up definitions to clarify all possible angles of the topic. This is what I found:
tech·ni·cal·i·ty
/ˌteknəˈkalədē/
noun
  1. a point of law or a small detail of a set of rules.
    “their convictions were overturned on a technicality
    • the specific details or terms belonging to a particular field.
      “he has great expertise in the technicalities of the game”
    • the state of being technical; the use of technical terms or methods.
      “the extreme technicality of the proposed constitution”
      tech·ni·cal
      /ˈteknək(ə)l/
      adjective
      1. 1.
        relating to a particular subject, art, or craft, or its techniques.
        “technical terms”

         

        With all of this in mind, I’d honestly say that this is a much deeper topic that I might have first considered it. So, I’ll take it in parts.

        TECHNIQUES:  What aspects of sexual technique do I find tricky? Well, I’m not really great at too many positions. Maybe that’s just because I haven’t been very adventurous, but that is probably because plain-old, borning missionary position brings me the fastest, most assured physical pleasure. I could just be lazy, but being able to fully relax and open myself to someone, lift my legs up and spread myself wide, allows me to focus on the sensations within my body. Basically, not having to work so hard to feel good leads to more successful orgasms for me. Doggy-style works to some degree, some of the time, and cowgirl can be effective, as well. It also gets a lot of play as being “the best” position for female orgasm because the woman is in control of movement, speed, and pressure. But, honestly, I rarely get off this way. If positions get too “acrobatic” or require me to hold myself up in any way, I spend way more time thinking about “when is this going to be over” to enjoy it. So, yeah…I’m pretty boring when it comes to technique, and over the years, Mr. D has expressed a bit of displeasure over my pedestrian sexual repertoire.

        RULES: I’m not positive how to handle this angle, but I suppose I’d say that, in general, I follow the expected and traditional social rules of sex on pretty much every level. This has also been a sore spot for Mr. D. I’m not very adventurous, I tend to like sex at night, when everything is done and I have no other obligations or in the morning on the weekend…in the bedroom. And even I can admit that this can get boring after awhile. Our “Rules of Engagement” could definitely use a bit of a shake up, though I’ll admit I fall short in the creativity department (ironic, I know). It’s also an issue of motivation, and this is the part where I really have no excuse. Not making the time or taking the effort to try new things at new times in new places is as detrimental to my own sexual happiness as it is to his.

        TERMS: It annoys me that we, as a species, are so hung up on labels. But, I also understand the need for them to help us categorize and survive. In sexual “terms,” I’d call myself mostly heterosexual (with some bisexual leanings) and mostly submissive. I’ve come to admit that I’m not as open to other sexualities (for myself) as I once believed (or hoped?) and that I’m not as submissive as would make our relationship less complicated, and definitely more satisfying for Mr. D, who is very Dominant and less heterosexual than I am.

      Given the experiences we’ve had over the years that haven’t gone as well as I’d hoped, I’m also likely subconsciously a bit reticent to try things we’ve done before that I haven’t enjoyed or that haven’t turned out well.  Likewise, Mr. D is also a bit gun-shy.

      We’ve both genuinely enjoyed some of our “exploits” over the years – sex with others (mainly in the same room), sex in random places, toys, non-heterosexual experiences. We’ve tried various techniques, only to fall back on the tried and true. We’ve played outside the standard rules, only to recede back into the pedestrian. And we’ve applied different terms to our relationships only end up with the ones we originally used.

      Really, what I think we’re doing is playing it safe. But, safety isn’t always safe. It can be just as destructive as danger and a heck-of-a-lot less fun.

      Hmmm…lots to think about here.

9 Replies to “The Ins and Outs of Sex”

  1. Interesting examination of “traditional social rules.” In the dark, in the bedroom…

    There’s a lot to consider there, in terms of ‘why’ in a socialization context. There are also sleep patterns and physiological rhythms to consider though, and there are fundamental differences in the ways/times-of-day men’s hormones surge compared to women’s. From an evolutionary standpoint, we are really off-kilter as a species that way.

    As for the missionary position: I think a lot of women – myself included – orgasm more easily when they can relax (as opposed to being required to perform Olympian athletics), and missionary is more conducive to successfully orgasming for that reason. That said, there are variations on missionary. It’s possible to shake things up without having to resort to positions that feel foreign or uncomfortable/unsexy. 🙂

  2. I love how you have broken this into different pieces, to highlight the ‘technical’ aspects of sex. I love trying different positions, but in order for me to reach a climax I have to be on my back…

    Rebel xox

  3. I’m like you, for *my* orgasm, missionary is best for me, in spite of what popular opinion might say. And yes, I think you’ve nailed it: it’s because I can relax. I’m not performing.

    Of course, from the particular mindset I inhabit, “performing” for his pleasure also does good things for me – tho they might not (directly) lead to orgasm.

  4. Another whose preferred position is Missionary for Orgasm. I’ve just given up on Orgasm as my sex goal. Often I’ll describe what I feel as an orgasm but it’s probably not what most women would understand it to be. I enjoyed the way you not only broke down the definition of technical but the thought you put into the challenge and shared with us. Thanks!!

  5. While JB and I have definitely found a couple of “preferred” positions, missionary is always fun to me for the reasons you described. Frankly, it’s a submissive position that (when the angles, speed, thrust, etc etc etc are right) feels really freaking good. 🙂

  6. I think that is quite common – trying then going back for various reasons – sometimes it is because you miss or even prefer the old ways – others is because the new stuff take more time and energy
    And you are right – Safety can be as destructive as danger x

  7. I really like the approach you’ve taken of looking up the definition and addressing each of its aspects.
    Just like with so many other things, our society makes sex into a competition – who’s doing it best, most, longest etc but as long as you are happy with your sex life it surely doesn’t matter what anyone else is doing?!

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