This week’s Wicked Wednesday post is “technical sex,” or more specifically, this question:
What technical aspect of sex do you find tricky?
a point of law or a small detail of a set of rules.“their convictions were overturned on a technicality“
the specific details or terms belonging to a particular field.“he has great expertise in the technicalities of the game”
the state of being technical; the use of technical terms or methods.“the extreme technicality of the proposed constitution”tech·ni·cal/ˈteknək(ə)l/adjective
1.relating to a particular subject, art, or craft, or its techniques.“technical terms”
With all of this in mind, I’d honestly say that this is a much deeper topic that I might have first considered it. So, I’ll take it in parts.
TECHNIQUES: What aspects of sexual technique do I find tricky? Well, I’m not really great at too many positions. Maybe that’s just because I haven’t been very adventurous, but that is probably because plain-old, borning missionary position brings me the fastest, most assured physical pleasure. I could just be lazy, but being able to fully relax and open myself to someone, lift my legs up and spread myself wide, allows me to focus on the sensations within my body. Basically, not having to work so hard to feel good leads to more successful orgasms for me. Doggy-style works to some degree, some of the time, and cowgirl can be effective, as well. It also gets a lot of play as being “the best” position for female orgasm because the woman is in control of movement, speed, and pressure. But, honestly, I rarely get off this way. If positions get too “acrobatic” or require me to hold myself up in any way, I spend way more time thinking about “when is this going to be over” to enjoy it. So, yeah…I’m pretty boring when it comes to technique, and over the years, Mr. D has expressed a bit of displeasure over my pedestrian sexual repertoire.
RULES: I’m not positive how to handle this angle, but I suppose I’d say that, in general, I follow the expected and traditional social rules of sex on pretty much every level. This has also been a sore spot for Mr. D. I’m not very adventurous, I tend to like sex at night, when everything is done and I have no other obligations or in the morning on the weekend…in the bedroom. And even I can admit that this can get boring after awhile. Our “Rules of Engagement” could definitely use a bit of a shake up, though I’ll admit I fall short in the creativity department (ironic, I know). It’s also an issue of motivation, and this is the part where I really have no excuse. Not making the time or taking the effort to try new things at new times in new places is as detrimental to my own sexual happiness as it is to his.
TERMS: It annoys me that we, as a species, are so hung up on labels. But, I also understand the need for them to help us categorize and survive. In sexual “terms,” I’d call myself mostly heterosexual (with some bisexual leanings) and mostly submissive. I’ve come to admit that I’m not as open to other sexualities (for myself) as I once believed (or hoped?) and that I’m not as submissive as would make our relationship less complicated, and definitely more satisfying for Mr. D, who is very Dominant and less heterosexual than I am.
Given the experiences we’ve had over the years that haven’t gone as well as I’d hoped, I’m also likely subconsciously a bit reticent to try things we’ve done before that I haven’t enjoyed or that haven’t turned out well. Likewise, Mr. D is also a bit gun-shy.
We’ve both genuinely enjoyed some of our “exploits” over the years – sex with others (mainly in the same room), sex in random places, toys, non-heterosexual experiences. We’ve tried various techniques, only to fall back on the tried and true. We’ve played outside the standard rules, only to recede back into the pedestrian. And we’ve applied different terms to our relationships only end up with the ones we originally used.
Really, what I think we’re doing is playing it safe. But, safety isn’t always safe. It can be just as destructive as danger and a heck-of-a-lot less fun.
Hmmm…lots to think about here.