I realize that not everyone is going to be interested in reading about my rather unfortunate current marital circumstances. But, for my own sake, writing about what is happening in my life allows me to process and make sense of things. It is how I learn. I share it because I know that it just might help someone else going through something similar.
I’m going to term these posts “The Separation, Day ___” in order to warn readers away who might rather not read them and pull in those who would.
Anyhow…here I am, on my first night of The Separation. He’s gone. It’s quiet. The house is clean. I don’t have to pick up anyone’s socks. There will be no snoring to keep me up. The bathroom counter and the kitchen table are clear and uncluttered.
Obviously, there is still a ton of his stuff here. It’s not like he’s completely moved out or that he plans to be away forever. It’s more like he’s gone for an extended vacation. His closet is thinned, his work gear is gone from the corner where he normally keeps it, and his electronics, which are normally scattered here and there, are gone. There are no shoes piled next to the living room chairs. The shelf on his side of the bed is bare.
I also came home to an empty driveway.
So there’s that. I don’t feel terribly sad or lonely. Yet. And maybe I won’t, ever. Right now, I guess I feel more of a sense of relief. That we finally went through with something big that might actually flip the reset switch on our marriage.
I also know that he loves me…and that he’s not doing this to punish me. He’s made it clear that he needs to work through some things, and I know that I do, too.
The crazy thing is, we’ll still see each other quite a bit. We have a son and we are sharing custody of him through this informal separation. Tonight, for example…Mr. D picked our son up from school and took him to soccer…but I met up with them for the end-of-season pizza party afterward. I won’t see him for the next four days, though, until we have our last soccer game.
I don’t know, friends. I think I needed this more than I wanted to admit. I think I needed the break…a rest from belabored, late night talks, frustration over his lack of motivation, growing resentment over years of boredom.
I do think my marriage is salvageable…in fact, I think it can be rebuilt to be much stronger if we take this time to truly investigate what we want and need from ourselves and each other.
We both have a lot of soul work to do.