How to Fall

I learned to ski when I was very young…in fact, not long after I learned to walk, so I was pretty much already an expert at how to fall. It helped that I was packaged with ample padding and that I was already close to the ground. But, even still, part of learning to ski is learning to fall…properly.

The main premise? Don’t brace yourself and become stiff. If you do, you are much more likely to break something.

Yesterday, I made a reference to yoga and how I’ve learned to soften into difficult poses…to breathe and find a place where I can deepen and relax. Believe me, it’s not always as easy as it sounds. But, the idea is to learn strategies and constantly remind myself to follow them when I get into sticky situations. Breathe into the difficulty…soften.

I’m trying to apply these concepts right now. In this rough patch of my life, learning how to fall (or “soften”) is important. If I brace myself or stiffen, I’m likely to break. But, if I let myself become jello, like a toddler who doesn’t want to be picked up, I just might come out of this in one piece.

This isn’t a particularly sexy time for me, and I apologize for the lack of sexy writing around here lately. I haven’t had sex in well over a month. And though I get fairly regular use of my trusty blue dildo, it usually isn’t all that sexy; it’s more of a release than anything, and something I do before falling asleep so I can relax and clear my mind…or something I do before I get dressed to clear out the mental cobwebs and brush of the negativity. It’s quick and usually pretty effective…but meh.

Don’t get me wrong, I’d trade it for sex…but, it is what it is. What it isn’t: My hands around his biceps while I make a mess of our bed…His mouth around my clit and his finger pressing gently on my g-spot…Doggy-style…My pussy clenching his cock as he releases his warm cum into me…

Yeah…that’s what it’s not. And I’m too often reminded of it. But…that’s a stiff spot – into which I must soften, right? Instead of getting angry or hiding my head in the sand or receding into myself, like normal.

Basically, I’m just trying not to be a hot mess.

So, when I see a beautiful sexy image like the one for Masturbation Monday this week (btw, thank you, Lascivious Lucy), with her pale skin against that bold black lace, I am reminded why I tend to hide from my internet life when my sex life is on the rocks. All the images and stories encourage my sexual need, and I have no recourse for fulfilling it.

Photo courtesy of Lascivious Lucy (Masturbation Monday)

However…this is another one of those areas of my life where I need to avoid my fight or flight instincts. Instead, I’m showing up. Because sometimes that is all one can do.

So yes…I’m imagining my fingers tracing the shadowed edge of that breast and the pattern in the lace…my lips around the soft pink encircling that nipple…grazing my teeth and clamping down just enough to spark the nerve that pulses directly to the hot button.

I can’t find it in me to write a story tonight. But, my mind is not hiding. I am feeling everything this image is projecting. I’m letting myself imagine…the scent…the softness…the taste…


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