• Experience

    Vulnerability

    I don’t do vulnerability. Which basically means…I don’t do relationships…or at least not deep ones. Writing that out in words and then repeating it back to myself out loud is depressing. Facing that kind of truth is hard. But, it’s necessary for change. So this is the part where I give you my excuses (knowing that, while the are an important part of my upbringing, they are not good enough currency for avoidance of facing my issues). I was raised in an old-school military family. We did (and still do) loyalty, honesty, dogged determination, commitment, patriotism. We didn’t do tears, weakness, or fear. As a result, after countless years of being told to “buck…

  • Fiction

    Truth is Messy

    I’ve been fucked by the truth dozens of times over the course of my life. Sometimes that truth has come from outside of me, sometimes from within…though less often the latter. And I’ll be honest, when she shows up, I don’t tend to invite her with a welcoming smile, offer her a cuppa on the better china, and listen to her graciously. No. More like a frightened child who knows she’s done wrong, I see her coming, close the drapes and sit inside, rocking back and forth with my fingers in my ears while she knocks insistently on the door. I wouldn’t call myself dishonest, but I’ve done my share…

  • Experience

    September is the Cruelest Month

    No, T.S. Eliot, April is not always the cruelest month. For some of us, it is September, when the leaves whisper the rumor of their upcoming change and a chill creeps into the early morning air. September is a complex conundrum for me. It means new beginnings (I am a teacher) and an influx of lofty expectations after a short, hot season of few. It means disappointing some of those I love because I am less available, both physically and mentally. It means that my creativity well must give the majority of its bounty to my paid work and not my unpaid hobby. Anyone out there with children and a…

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