I’m reading your “good” submissive comment as a subjective thing about what *you* consider to be good and not some standard of “goodness” — because there is no standard of that. It’s about whatever works in your relationship, and I wish you good luck and joy in figuring out what that means for both of you.
And I will say that although my submission is this weird “natural” (a loaded word I don’t love but I haven’t found a good alternative to yet) part of my personality, even I (and many of us) have those moments of not wanting to do something — because we’re busy, because we’re not interested, because we’re annoyed, because of whatever. I use it as a test of my submission. Can I do the things that I don’t feel like doing it because he asked it of me? When I find myself having problems with not wanting to do things (and I have and will in the future, I’m sure), I know we need to have a conversation because something isn’t quite right. That can be on a really small scale or a big one, but it’s also a reason for a check-in and communication. I guess I’m saying all of that so that you know it’s more normal than you might realize, and if it happens again, it doesn’t mean your D/s isn’t working…maybe just that it’s time to talk about what’s on your mind.
I replied to her comment:
Yes, when I say “good” submissive, I know the definition is personal and subjective (there is likely a lengthy post in that). And I am considering what it means to be a good submissive to me and to my husband. It’s a partnership, and it doesn’t work if both parties aren’t willing to do what the other needs. And I definitely agree with the “test of submission” comment you have made here, and the communication. Those are two of the things that I feel are most helpful to my own growth in this.
But, as I constructed my comment, I realized there was a whole slew of things I really wanted to say about the topic. So, I’m continuing my comment as a post.
words of affirmation
acts of service