Read this post for more detailed information on my goals for 2018.
Focus #1: Marriage – The key component to improving my marriage is improving my sex life. This year, I’ll be working on a few different skills, starting with “initiating.” I’m keeping it simple and positive, rather than dwelling in the past.
Not everyone believes in marriage. I have plenty of friends who can see no value in a piece of paper or a ring to sanctify their love. And, seriously, if I hadn’t planned on having children, I might not have needed it either.
Oh, who am I kidding? I totally had the “white knight sweeping me off my feet and taking me away to a fairytale castle so we could live happily ever after” fantasy swimming around in my brain from at least the time I could walk. By the time I could talk, I was playing house. And by the time I could write, I was planning my wedding and making lists of all the qualities my perfect boyfriend would have.
I’m not ashamed of my hopeless romanticism. But, I have come to accept its unrealistic sides and the difficulties it has presented me in my marriage.
What do they say? Expectation is the root of all heartache? I think Shakespeare’s version is, “Oft expectation fails, and most oft there where most it promises.” Maybe it is a happy connection that this quote comes from the play “All’s Well That Ends Well.” I can only hope that is an omen. However, the female lead tricks her husband into staying, and he does virtually everything he can to thwart her efforts, so I suppose, aside from the quote and the title, the plot makes a terrible metaphor.
Now that I’m past 40, I’m beginning to change quite a few of my expectations about life…and quite a few of my priorities. I’m not going to go into great detail…this isn’t a therapy session. And even though writing often is my mental health prescription of choice, I’m not going to subject you to that right now. Instead, I’m simply going to jump right into my new plan.
I’m the sort of person is who needs routines. Calendars and planners make me giddy with possibility. I can spend hours filling them out, organizing them, creating color-coded highlighter keys and adding sticker embellishments. What can I say, I missed my calling as an elementary school teacher (if I only liked little kids a bit more, it might not be a bad gig). That being said, I am not a very spontaneous person. I like things planned. Well-planned. And then re-planned, reviewed, and planned again. This, of course, drives my husband mad. But, in my defense, he did know what he was getting into from the get-go.
The flip side of my hyper-planning nature is that if I don’t plan it, it likely won’t even cross my radar. And there-in lies the problem for Mr. D and me: he wants me to spontaneously just want him and, calendar and to-do list be damned, drop everything and give myself up to lust. I only wish it were that easy.
It’s not like I have a broomstick up my ass. I’m not a prude. I’ve done plenty of sexual experimentation. I’m just not sexually spontaneous. And I’m especially uncreative in that regard when I’m put to the test.
Something I have really struggled with over the years is showing sexual initiative. It’s not that sex isn’t important to me (though I’ll be honest and say that there have been more times than I’d like to admit that I could have done without it).
Partially, it’s insecurity. Some of it is fear of rejection. Neither of these things make any sense, since my husband has always found me sexy, beautiful, and more than worthy of fucking. I can count on one hand the times he’s said no to sex.
Another thing that gets in the way of my initiative is selfishness. I get caught up in my own life and needs and wants (which don’t always include sex…or my husband, for that matter). I choose to do other things and I get caught up in them. The sad thing is, those things aren’t even always things I like to do. Sex would be more fun than pretty much all of them.
That leads me to wonder…why don’t I want sex? I’m sure I’ll be writing about that this year.
Focus #2: Health – There are so many things I could do to improve my health, but I’m keeping this simple, too.
I’m starting out this year the heaviest I have ever been…almost 200 lbs. There are a few elements to my health plan that bear brief explanation:
SLEEP – My goal is at least 6 hours a night (tough for me). It’s far less than a lot of people get, I realize. But, it’s hard for me to do much better than this. I know that sleep impacts pretty much everything else…energy, weight, mood…so it’s at the top of my priority list.
HYDRATION – Water is often the answer, and I rarely get enough of it.
MOVEMENT – I signed up for a 10k in February. Pretty much right away, my plantar faciitis flared up and I found myself dialing my plans back to the 5k. The training had me icing and heating my feet, hobbling every morning, and basically just living in physical misery. So I’ve traded in my running shoes for walking shoes and changed my registration to the half marathon walk. I’m training twice a week and working toward 60,000 steps per week. In addition, I’m doing yoga twice a week and pilates once.
Focus #3: Writing – This is the year of the blog! I’ve taken the big step of moving to my own domain. From here, it’s really about writing as much as possible. A few games I like to play: Masturbation Monday, Wicked Wednesday, and Smut Marathon. Occasionally, I join in on other meme/prompts. But, ultimately, I’d like this site to eventually stand on its own two feet. I realize that my biggest readership happens when I join in on these memes. That tells me something. It tells me people are reading and commenting because they feel they have to – in order to get me to read and comment on their stuff. It seems very “I’ll scratch yours if you scratch mine.” I’d like to have readers who frequent my site simply because they like it.
As you can see from the home page, my main categories are erotic fiction, personal experience, and photography. My personal experience writing is usually about marriage & sex, low libido, mental health, monogamy/non-monogamy, and my own struggles to make my relationship with my husband everything it can possibly be.
Aside from these areas of my life…I’m also a mom, a daughter, and a full-time professional. So…I’m a busy gal. I’ll do my best to write everyday, but cut me some slack when I need to bury my head and go on hiatus for awhile. It happens to the best of us.