Yesterday, Mr. D had the day off.
When I came home, he told me he had done some heavy thinking…and he’d like to talk about it later when our son went to bed.
I said “okay,” and then spent the next several hours ruminating over what the outcome of his “heavy thinking” might have been.
Later, on the couch, by the lights of the Christmas tree, he began…
He told me he was all in, that he was giving his whole heart, and that he was really going to forgive…for the first time. He said it didn’t come naturally to him to let go, but that he was going to give it all he had. He told me he loved me, more than anything, but that he was tired of hurting and being hurt.
He asked me to repeat after him…”I will not put my job or anything else before you…except for our son.”
The conversation didn’t get a lot more specific from there. He said he was willing to work together rather than to put the revival of our love life all on my shoulders, and that he would be more forthcoming about calling me on my inattentiveness before it became catastrophic.
He also made it clear that this was the last time…not as a threat, but as a guarantee that he’d give it everything the had.
When we hugged, my whole body sighed. And when I breathed in, all I could do was want him with every cell. We kissed lightly, slowly.
He could feel my want.
And that is when the words stopped.
I came as if my body were a promise.