Okay…time to flip the coin and see what’s on the other side. Thursday’s post…“10 things I hate about swinging” wouldn’t be able to stand on it’s own without it’s very necessary counterpart.
1) Dating with my best friend, confidant, protector, lover, and Daddy is a rather special experience. I hate dating (as I’ve made pretty clear), but if you have to do it…doing it with that kind of support is amazing. You develop your own little codes and can read each others body language to make all kinds of decisions without the other couple even knowing you are communicating. It definitely draws a strong couple together in more ways than one.
2) It adds excitement to our sex life. Eve when an experience isn’t positive, it still gives Daddy and me loads to talk about and helps us to learn more about each others needs, wants, and fears. I can honestly say that if it weren’t for our involvement in swinging, we would not have learned half of what we have learned about each other so far. We have faced some pretty intense situations and have come out with a tighter bond than we started with.
3) It provides a feeling of freedom. I suppose many married couples are perfectly content to just be with each other for all of eternity. And, for the most part, I’m pretty content with that, too. But, it’s simply freeing to know that I’m not expected to only desire one man forever. And I’m sure it is freeing for Daddy to know that I don’t expect him to only desire me. He’s always looked at other women…made comments…and it rarely bothers me. I don’t think we are naturally monogamous. It takes a lot of work to commit to only one person and keep the relationship from becoming dull. I have a lot of respect for couples who work that hard. And Daddy and I work pretty hard at it ourselves. We know that if we aren’t strong and stable, swinging will just instigate trouble. And it forces some pretty raw conversations. All of that adds to the strength of our marriage. Swinging is a team sport (at least in my eyes). I know I have full freedom to engage in activities with others when Daddy isn’t there – provided I ask, divulge all details afterward, and bring whomever it is home as some point to share. I haven’t used that freedom – and likely never will, as ironically, he gives the freedom to me that he wants for himself…and I don’t need the freedom his gives and can’t provide it for him with the same ease. Too bad that, while we’re “swapping”, we could just swap our ideas about that, too…it’d make us both happy.
4) It provides opportunity for growth and pushes me to try new things and challenge my own fears and insecurities. As shy as I can be, it takes quite a bit of courage for me to be aggressive in any way…especially with people who are new to me. But, having Daddy there to oversee and encourage me helps. I’m still not very daring, but I’m open to experiences and have found myself loving the feeling of being surrounded by naked flesh, touching, feeling, tasting. For me, it isn’t really about the “intercourse”. That might sound weird…but, in my opinion, it’s more about the adrenaline rush…the high caused by desire and erotic stimulation.
5) It gives us plenty of fodder for conversations with each other. Pillow talk, people. It’s a great way to delve into a lover’s deepest desires. What do want? What did you like? Why? What didn’t you like? Why? What would you like to be different next time? What fantasy can we try to create?
6) I’m kind of an exhibitionist, despite my shyness and my dislike of spontaneity. I like attention. I like being catered to, and seduced. And since I usually know what Daddy is going to do (not always…sometimes he surprises me), swinging provides me (and him) the chance to be surprised by another person – to not really know what they are going to do…or how they are going to do it…the anticipation…the newness.
7) I actually like watching my husband fuck other women. I like seeing him from a different perspective…and I seriously love making eye contact with him while he does it. It’s a huge turn on to me watching him give someone else pleasure, because I know exactly what he’s doing and most likely how she’s feeling.
8) I’ve learned that men are really a lot less critical of women’s bodies than many women think they are. There are all shapes, sizes, ages, and appearances involved in the swinging game. Most are not for me. But then most non-swingers are not for me. I’m picky. I was picky when I chose my husband…and I remain picky now…probably more so because I’m already getting laid – I don’t need someone else to get sex – I already have it. Getting it from elsewhere is just a bonus.
9) No matter what…I know who I am going home with. So, even if it doesn’t work out, I’ll be having sex. Good sex. With a very sexy man who knows just how to get me off.
10) Umm….did I mention fucking other people? That is definitely a plus. And I get the chance to be with women…in the safety of defined relationships. I prefer married/committed couples because it makes me feel as if they are in the same boat as us…a team – supporting each other, enjoying a “hobby” together, and not looking to steal anyone else’s spouse. I see a lot of respect in the swinging community. A lot of supportive husbands, and a lot of women freely exploring sex in the safety of a stable relationship. Honestly…I think women probably benefit the most. Most clubs cater to them. Most husbands follow their lead, making sure they are comfortable and happy. After all if the ladies are happy…the men are a lot more likely to be happy, too. So, it works in their favor to be sure their women are pleased.
I know it drives Daddy crazy when I don’t get off…or when I’m disappointed with an encounter. He genuinely wants me to enjoy myself. It makes me feel valued, and cared for. So oddly…fucking other people in the presence of my husband brings me closer to him in a variety of ways. Pretty much every time, we end up in bed, alone…after everyone has retired to their own hotel rooms or houses…and we snuggle up together – feeling closer for having shared each other.
Photo taken from article in reference to a documentary film entitled “Sex with Strangers”. I haven’t seen it, though I think it might be worth a watch. I got a kick out of the review of Roger Ebert. His last line is:
What damage had to be done to their self-esteem, and how, to lead them to this point?
As if we must be damaged in order to pursue sex with strangers and that it must be a self-esteem issue? Hmmm…I think Roger has a bit to learn about a sexuality. Or maybe the directors of the film needed to choose a better selection of representative couples? It is my experience that a large portion of “swinging couples” are just as grounded (if not more so) than monogamous couples. Of course, that’s just my experience and perception. Sure there is drama with some, and all couples (regardless of their proclivities) have their ups and downs and issues – which aren’t based on the sexual actions (per se), but rather the personalities and internal insecurities of the participants. For example, I have my own jealousy issues…and a few body/self-esteem issues – but those are not caused by my involvement in sex with people other than my lawfully wedded husband.