First of all…I’m exhausted.  Can’t really divulge any of the “work” details, as that would give my occupation away – but suffice it to say – the past few weeks have been nothing but performance evaluations, and I’ve had it up to here with unmotivated inferiors pissing and moaning about having to do their share.

That said…tonight’s post may fall flat because of it.

But, here goes –

So the Wicked Wednesday prompt this week is:

I’ve thought long and hard about this prompt.  It’s so wide open it could go so many ways…and I’ve had a really hard time trying to narrow it down.  But, as I’m currently sorting through something that might work within these parameters, I’m just going to stick with some personal experience.

Over the past few weeks, I’ve written here and there about a current “opportunity” (as Mr. LL puts it) that we are trying out.  And as I have the permission to continue writing about it (though all parties involved read this blog), I’m going to take advantage of an open-minded and possibly more experienced audience.  And maybe, just maybe, my own thoughts about it will help someone else.  I know that I love reading other peoples’ experiences as a way to understand some of my own.

So, here it is (and you’ll understand the connection to the prompt soon).

Mr. LL is well-seasoned connoisseur of Craigslist personals.  Mainly he reads them for entertainment purposes, occasionally calling my attention to a particularly heinous ad or subject line.  But sometimes he finds things he’s actually interested in.  Occasionally, he responds to ads, simply to converse.  And because I am not nearly as entertained by this hobby as is he, he refrains from sharing every contact he makes.  In general, he’s in charge of email communication and initial set ups for meetings between us and other couples that we may want to hook up with.  But recently, there have been a few instances where my reaction has been negative…eliciting a pretty quick “No” from me in response to his suggestions.

Just recently, he contacted a single woman.  After communication had been established, he brought me in…showing me the two or three emails that had passed between them.  She was looking for a single man, someone to dominate her, someone to provide her with the firm hand (literally) that she desired.  He let her know, up front, that he was not single, but that, if she was willing to try a couple to reply.  When she did, and proved once again to sound sensible, intelligent, and interested, it was time to bring in the wife.

My initial reaction was basically – WTF?  When have we ever talked about this?  Haven’t I told you I don’t want a “girlfriend” (he would love it if I did) and that I don’t want him to have a “girlfriend” (I’m way too jealous for that).   But, I had to admit, that her email was nice.  She really did seem like our kind of people.

Still, my hackles were up, I was already on the defensive, and I – emotionally – wanted nothing to do with it.  I was also a little peeved that he’d made the contact in the first place, as we had conversed several times about a 2nd female and I had said no every time.

But, my guess is, he contacted her without motive or agenda – without any real thought as to where it might lead.  I’m going to make a sexist comment here…it was a total guy move – innocent enough, but made without thinking of the consequences if it actually panned out.

Anyhow, he asked (as is the norm) if he could contact her again…if I was willing to at least check it out.  My lips said yes.  My mind screamed no.

And then my mind started playing tricks on me, as it is wont to do.  It’s no secret that I enjoy women…usually more in the sexual way than any other.  Women make me nervous, and I tend to trust them less than I trust men.  I’m not sure what the psychology is behind that, but there it is.  Against my better judgement, I started considering the possibilities.

Eventually, after a few emails, Mr. LL asked if I’d be willing to meet with her.

No. No. No.  “Okay…” I said.

I was honestly an anxious mess the whole day before we went out with her – feeling a mixture of social dread and intrigue.

Basically, I just couldn’t wrap my brain around how this was going to work…or really even what everyone expected.  Of course I’ve had three-way fantasies, but I’d never actually hashed out the logistics of the day-to-day involvement.

So, I panicked.

We did meet her.  And it actually went very well.   She was pretty and smart and sweet…and seemed quite a bit more submissive than me (which I suppose put me at ease a bit – what with my territorial/possessive nature).

But the next day, I panicked more – in a much deeper and less constructive way.  My emotional brain ate away at my logical brain and I found myself saying – No…this cannot continue.  I don’t think I can handle this…and no, I don’t want to talk about it.

Mr. LL is as expert as they come at dealing with my emotional “freak outs”.  I really don’t do it that often…but I’m really horrible at accepting any sort of change.  Pretty much, my answer is no anytime it looks like it might effect my routine…my well-established, comfortable norms.  I know, boring, right?

Anyhow, after being fairly firm about my “not wanting to talk about it…back off and give me some time to process this” – I decided that if this was going to work (and really, I do want to give it a go…even if it is just for Mr. LL’s sake), I was going to have to take it into my own hands, and make it happen in a way that made me the most comfortable…much as our “swinging” adventures have happened.  I basically call the shots when it comes to this sort of stuff.  Not because I’m in charge (quite the contrary), but because Mr. LL respects my comfort and doesn’t want me to “take one for the team” or give in just because he wants something.  And I don’t, really.

I do think he needs “extra on the side” more than I do.  I could probably manage living a “vanilla” life just fine – with a few slip-ups (it’s that damned red wine).  But, Mr. LL has it in his bones – the need to explore and experiment…and I’d really be doing him a disservice to just say no and leave it at that – without ever taking the time to even consider that change can be a good thing (no matter what my emotional brain tries to tell me).  It’s not always “worst case scenario”…though I tend to catastrophize (I think I made that word up) and assume things are going to go to shit no matter what.  (Good lord, the more I write about this the more I sound like a pessimistic bitch – and really, I’m not.)

So, I laid down the ground rules.  I emailed her and let her know how I felt, why I felt that way (basically everything I am writing here), and what I expected to make this work.  It came down to this – my role would be much like a “chaperone”.  He could dominate her, have sex with her, basically anything he wanted, as long as I was there.  There’s more to it than that, but I won’t go in to any great detail.  Suffice it to say, I just wanted her to know that in order for me to be comfortable, I had to set boundaries and explain expectations.  Of course, everything is subject to change.  And I am open to that.  Mr. LL is very upfront…he cc’s me on emails or lets me read them…his cell phone/texts are open to me at all times…I know all his passwords and have the freedom to follow his conversations whenever I want.  It’s a large part of why I’m willing to try this.

I tend to over think things (surprising, huh?), and then when I’m in the moment – I end up contradicting the hell out of myself and doing everything I said I wouldn’t.

For now, the ball is rolling.  And my “no” has lost its emphasis.  I definitely have a long way to go before I feel really comfortable (if I ever do).

I have to remind myself, though, just how terrified I was when I walked into my first swingers club.  I had no idea what to expect.  I didn’t know how to go about any of it. But, now it’s just another fun option on our list of things we can do with each other.

This is really no different.  My logical brain knows that.  My emotional brain is a bit delayed.  It takes awhile to catch up.

More than anything, it’s about trust.  In fact, I invited this woman to have dinner, just the two of us, so I could work on that without Mr. LL being there to watch me expectantly.  It’s like my writing…I don’t want anyone reading over my shoulder or reading my work before I’m ready to share.  Right now, I’m most interested in getting to know her on my terms…putting us on equal footing…discussing what our boundaries and roles might be.  That way, when Mr. LL joins in, I have a better sense of who I’m dealing with and can feel that we (her and I) are more of a team – working in tandem to satisfy the same man in different ways.

P.S.  Tomorrow’s post will be for “this woman”…whom I will henceforth stop calling “this woman”…but for the protection of her anonymity, I will simply call her A.  This will be The Story of A, rather than The Story of O.  I think it is important that she be treated with respect and dignity.  She is not just the subject of my writing…she is a person.  A person whom I am considering letting into a very exclusive club.  The interview process might be a bit brutal…but hopefully it will be worth it for everyone.  So, stay tuned…and sweet dreams.

This has been a Wicked Wednesday post.  Click HERE to see who else is being wicked.

 

 

11 Replies to “Would you say no to a threesome?”

  1. You are a very brave woman who is completely dedicated to her man in a way that many women simply are not. I applaud your open mindedness and the way you questioned your initial gut reaction. I hope that this situation works out for you and both you and Mr LL have a deeply satisfying experience.

  2. It seems like you have everything under control and are getting into this the best way there is. Thanks for sharing your thought process with us and I look forward to read more about A.Rebel xoxPS: I love the new look of your site 🙂

  3. Well presented. I think you've figured out what it takes to keep Mr. LL happy, based on your understanding if his nature. Better to go along for the ride than leave him to his own devices with a firm "No". And I suspect you'll have some fun with this too before the dust clears.Mick

  4. I understand completely. I have huge trust issues with other women when it comes to my man although we have had the 3some a few times. It was never more than one time. Based more on the other women. He was seeking submissive but they were more like just lay there and take it.. I am hoping you can find a place where you are more comfortable and fulfill this desire for yourself and your man

  5. Thanks everyone, for your kind words and support. It is good to hear from someone other than my logical brain that I am going about this in a fair and rational way.

  6. I so identify with your situation here and how you feel about it. I am very much the same in so many ways!! I hope that all goes well with A and I shall definitely be looking forward to seeing where it goes!! Love the new look of the site! ~Mia~ xx

  7. I went through much the same thought process before our first threesome (which Sir initiated because He thought it was something I would enjoy, being bi as I am). The dynamics between three people is very very difficult, I think even harder than the dynamics between four, but when it works it's a beautiful thing. Good luck to the three of you!~Kazi xxx

  8. Thank you, dear, thoughtful LL <3I will do my best to not disappoint you. You have so much courage – to try despite the emotions you are wrestling with. -A

  9. Hey Brigit, Your arrangement with Mr. LL and A sounds like the complete parallel to the arrangement Lo and I have when she meets other guys. I often am literally the chaperon. I sit in the front seat driving as she gets laid in the back seat. I'm curious, does your Mr. LL read our blog or do you two read it together? Looking forward to part II.HH

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