Digging Deeper

Mr. LL and I were on the couch this morning, enjoying our morning coffee, when the conversation began over when our D/s relationship started to “blossom”.  It’s one of those things that is so hard to pinpoint, but as I really want to be able to sort of “chronicle” our path toward this place we are in, I thought the discussion was worth it.  Funny thing is…what I came up with is…really, it began the night we met.

Years ago, I walked into a club, after several emails.  When I saw him for the first time, it was the eyes.  Truly, they saw right through me, and unnerved me a bit – which was, of course, intentional.

After several failed attempts at dating (I’m not much for it, really), I’d finally found a guy who appeared to have the ability to take the lead.

Over the years, he’s always been the one to bring up new “opportunities”.  He’s the one who first suggested swinging (which initially elicited tears from me – as I really didn’t understand what the whole thing was really about).  He’s the one who has always pushed me to try new things…the first I’ve ever enjoyed anal sex with, the first I’ve enjoyed having go down on me….

Basically, he’s the source of a lot of firsts, mainly because I trust him with my heart and my body.

So, when recently he began adding little elements of D/s…a pull of the hair here, a smack on the ass there, a command placed at the just the right juncture of the discussion, he ever-so-gently tested the waters, gauged my reaction, and continued on his course.

As I’ve said before…he truly seems to know what I want before I do.  I simply follow his lead.  But, he’s a good reader of my desires.  If he doesn’t receive a positive reaction, he has the sense to know when to drop it and when to push it.

And usually, when he decides to push it, eventually there’s an intense conversation where we hash out what we both expect and want from the experience.  We have only just begun to swim the murky waters of D/s, but what we have tried, I have mostly liked.

I have to admit…last night was an interesting turn of events, though – one for the books, I suppose.

Mr. LL wanted me to masturbate for him.  I hate doing it, but he said he wanted me wet when he went down on me.  The problem was, I just plain wasn’t horny – and the reason that I masturbate is mainly to alleviate my sexual needs.  Most often, it’s just maintenance…a way to release the pressure and relax.  He was asking me to do something I hated doing at a time when I wouldn’t normally do it anyway.  I knew it wouldn’t have the effect he was looking for, and when I tried to explain…he shushed me and made me do it anyway.

I, not unlike a spoiled child, huffed in anger, and set to work on the task I was given, pouting and fuming the whole time.

When he returned…he found me, well…not wet…and pissed as hell.

We talked about it, and he released me from the request, but assured me that he expected me to learn how to do this for him.  I harumphed my displeasure at this, and he began to try and alleviate the anger by kissing my clit slowly and gently.  He brought me out of my pout and then blindfolded me, heightened all of my senses with a feather, and then rolled me over on to my knees and proceeded to punish me with a jelly butt plug…I let go of myself here, as he added the vibrating pleasure of my favorite egg, and spread my legs, grinding my clit into the vibrator, my face pressed into the pillow, my ass in the air.  Eventually I let him know I was about to come (somewhere along the way, this has become a rule – that I tell him when I’m about to reach climax), but when I did, he grabbed my hips, hoisted himself up around me, pressing me into the vibrator as it lay beneath me on the bed, and forced the orgasm until I screamed.

I’ve known for some time he’s interested in forced orgasms.  But this was the first time he pulled it on me.  Needless to say…it was a bit more intense that I was prepared for.  Later, after my third orgasm, I pretty much lay in a shaking heap next to him, my ragged breathing a sure sign that he’d done more than enough “damage” for one night.

I slept like the dead.

And this morning…our conversation simply supported what we both already knew.  Our path has been so gradual, it’s hard to say when anything “starts” with us.  We tried the switch of roles quite awhile back – which failed so miserably it was comical. I thought maybe I’d like to dominate him…but I was a pathetic mess at it and hated the unnatural feeling of it.  We talked about it, and thankfully we both agreed that we were a “bit more traditional” in our marital needs.  Let’s just say, I don’t like seeing my man emasculated in any way – I need him to be “the man.”  All day.  Every day.  Period.  Might not be fair, or reasonable…but that’s the way it is.

When Mr. LL began to show more and more sexual assertiveness, I bent to his will.  Now…we find ourselves on an interesting adventure and neither of us really know where it will take us.  Okay….HE knows way more about where it will take us than I do.  But, that’s the way I like it.

Some earlier posts that hinted at things to come…

Guilt, Jealousy, and Submission – Feb. 15, 2013
The Dom’s Dom – Aug. 15, 2012


  • Brigit Delaney

    I'm not really sure…it's something I have thought about occasionally – but I can't seem to come up with an answer. I do "do it for myself", but, somehow, I can't make the leap to an audience. Which is weird, cause I do just about anything else in front of people. I'm not much for stripping either – so obviously I have some confidence issues in those departments.

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