So, I’ve been having some difficulty with my mood and libido recently. To some degree, I’m tired (been doing a lot at work — juggling a lot of balls, and not the kind I like) – mentally and physically. And to some degree, I know that I cycle with the moon (waxing…bring it on; waning…leave me alone). And there seems to be something about January and February that get in the way of things, too. With all that stacked against me, I’m left with a whole lotta work and productivity, but not a lot of pride in what I’ve accomplished. Sometimes, it’s hard to get psyched up when the mountain seems insurmountable…even when I am at the top.
I think I need a massage. And I need to get to the acupuncturist. And I need to go to bed on time.
And, while we are at it, could someone send me two tickets to a beautiful tropical island where I can forget all my obligations?
Anyhow, what does all this have to do with pride – today’s Wicked Wednesday prompt? Well, I guess I feel that I should be proud of myself. I forget that sometimes and give in to the doom and gloom that is “you can always do better…if you’d only…” and comparing my success to others, only to be even more critical of my accomplishments.
I’m a working mother. My kid is decently behaved and does well in school, the house is pretty nice and acceptably clean most days, the bills get paid, and I have achieved a position of regard in my career.
My marriage is solid…enviable even. Our sex life is great (accept for when I go into the black hole).
That should be enough, right? And really, it is. I think I’m just too hard on myself, and I need to remind myself on a daily basis that I’m not a complete disappointment. It’s this weird need I have to make others happy and comfortable and proud.
Guess, I need to include myself in that.
So…today, not a creative post. More of a gripe – and an exploration of a problem. Because when I get like this, it’s hard to snap out of it. And it affects everything in my life – my relationships at home and work, my sex drive, my ability to focus and accomplish things, my motivation to think and write about sex…
And once I’m off the sex wagon…well, let’s just say things seem to crumble fast. Mr. LL gets moody (and who can blame him, right?)…and then we have to discuss the problem…which makes me moody(er). And the adult in me takes a vacation, leaving a pouty little child in her place who thinks everyone is blaming her for the state of things.
So…getting back ON the sex wagon. That’s the thing, isn’t it?
Vitamin D, medication, exercise, diet…cripes- I even stopped drinking…I’ve got all those in the bag. So, what else? What have I not tried? Because I’ve got to nip this thing in the bud before it spirals. What is it, really, that stabs my libido in the back and then runs away like a little coward before I can turn around and catch it in the act? I can speculate all day – best to not overthink it, I know…just makes it worse, cause then I feel guilty.
Suggestions? I pride myself on a healthy sex life. And we all no good sex decreases stress…so what to do when stress makes you not want the sex that will make the stress go away. Quite a conundrum.
Be sure to check out the other Wicked Wednesday posts…