TMI TUESDAY – questions provided by Swinging Gemma.
1. Do you think that acting out a fantasy can sometimes cause damage to a relationship?
Yes. We call them fantasies for a reason. Some are harmless and might add a little spice to a relationship – for example: having sex in the woods, adding a third or fourth person to the mix, masturbation via webcam. But others can get us in to more trouble than they are worth and should probably stay in the bedroom and be used as pillow talk: sex in the office, sex with a colleague or client or subordinate, sex with strangers. And still others could be downright dangerous or illegal (though I realize that lots of perfectly normal sexual “desires” are considered illegal still in some states): bestiality, pedophilia, necrophilia…
2. Some couples role play their fantasies rather than introducing another person into the relationship to live out their fantasies. Do you think that this is an acceptable substitute?
Absolutely. If your partner is game and you’ve discussed it thoroughly and considered all the pros and cons, I don’t see any reason not to try something – as long as it brings no harm to others.
3. Is there a particular movie or TV series or character from a movie or TV series that you fantasize about?
For years, it was Gary Oldman in the role of Dracula. I’m a classic gothic romance fan, and he just really fit the bill for me on that one. There’s, of course, also Johnny Depp (I’ve had the hots for him since the original “21 Jumpstreet”). Hugh Jackman, Heath Ledger…
And let’s not leave out the ladies – Julianna Margulies (looks almost just like my first girl-crush in college), Julianne Moore, Michelle Pfieffer, Marcia Cross…
Really, there are too many to cover in one post. TV and film are crawling with hundreds of sexy people.
4. Apart from the obvious things like child abuse, are there some things that are ‘off limits’ for a fantasy e.g. incest fantasies, age play, rape fantasies. Why/ why not?
I have no problem with anyone living out a fantasy with other consenting adults. Unless you are harming someone else or involving a person or animal that cannot speak for themselves, it’s your business. But, I personally take issue with infidelity. I’m not judging others who do it, necessarily…but my marriage is so important to me. If I wanted to cheat, it means there’s a problem in the relationship that needs to be dealt with – or the relationship needs to end. Mr. LL needs to be privy to what I’m doing with others sexually. He needs to be in on the planning. And right now…he even needs to be there – I do not play alone or without my husband’s blessing. All fantasies go through a process of discussion in our household long before they are ever acted upon.
5. What is the most taboo thing you have ever fantasized about doing?
I’ve had a few rape fantasies.
6. Tell us about a fantasy that you have that you don’t ever see yourself actually acting out. Why do you think you will never act it out?
Having sex with a professor…repeatedly…in his office.
Rape… I think it scares me too much – I don’t think I’d actually like it. In fact, I don’t really like it in my fantasies either, but it’s there – so I suppose I have to admit it’s a fantasy.
A gang bang. Same as rape…I don’t think I’d actually like it. I can handle a partner…or two…at most three – in an evening. While my coochie is athletic and works out on a regular basis – she gets tired and angry if abused too much and for too long. And she can be a spiteful little bitch. Her revenge is unpleasant.
7. Have you ever pretended the person you were having sex with was someone else without telling them?
Yes. Close eyes, insert face. (Don’t worry, Mr. LL…I haven’t done it to you…at least I don’t think I have…)
8. Have you ever tried to make a fantasy a reality only to have it fail miserably? What happened?
Yes. We have these friends…I will call them Dick and Jane. I was hot for both Dick and Jane. Mr. LL was good to go with Jane. For some reason, every time we drank a bit too much when we were together, Jane and I ended up getting handsy and kissy (it happened way more than once, so you know there was more to it than just the alcohol). Then, I began to try to seduce her to go further. Dick was totally up for it. Jane, not so much. I think she was willing to do the girl on girl thing but wanted nothing to do with swinging or letting me anywhere near Dick (and believe me, there were a few moments when I really considered fucking him anyway – oh good lord how it took all of my self control, when I ran into him outside of the cabin we were all staying in, to say “No, not without her blessing”). Over the course of 3 separate interactions, we finally gave up. It ended with a drunken evening of kissing and fucking on the same bed (our own spouses…no trading…but there was some touching going on – and I’m pretty sure Mr. LL got his face between her legs at some point.) We’re still friendly with them both. But, I have to admit I’m still a little bitter about the failure. Dick was so into it, and I would have really enjoyed fucking him. As of now, when we do see them, it’s like it never happened. But then, we avoid going anywhere with them where alcohol will be involved (they are both crazy-makers – they bring drama where ever they go). Put a little wine in that woman and she gets all handsy and flirtatious. It sort of pisses me off a tad, actually. Makes me want to say…”Don’t offer anything you aren’t willing to go through with.” Grrr….
Here’s a post I wrote about Dick and Jane a few years ago. (The names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent.)
Bonus: Tell us about your most cherished fantasy. Did you ever live it out? Please give us all the juicy details because that is the kind of people we are.
I don’t really know that I have a “cherished” fantasy. I guess, for many years I fantasized about being with a woman. I had a huge crush an a girl in college. I was in a relationship at the time, though it was caving in. I sort of chalked my desire up to being unhappy with my boyfriend. But….the desires didn’t go away. It was awhile before I had another full-on girl crush. I never went through with that one. She
was a waitress at a local restaurant that I loved. She had this really curvy figure, like I love. Almost a bit plump…I suppose you’d call it voluptuous…this round, enticing bottom that she always covered in form-fitting skirts and dresses. And she always wore heels and classic jewelry…lots of black and white and red. But she was “crazy” and would have led me down the path to ruin, I’m sure. What is it with my fascination for crazy chics?
Here are some links to a story (written in parts) that was inspired by this pretty little lunatic.
I think right now, my fantasies lean toward the “man dominating the woman” side of things. I love it when my husband takes control. When a man who I know respects me takes the lead sexually and uses his power to control the situation (without pain), it makes me cum buckets. Okay…that wasn’t a lady-like description, but you get the point.
And I thought…just for the entertainment factor, I’d add this this gem on. Wow. I don’t even know what to say. Maybe you do. I mean, there are a few good points here, but they’re drowned out by all of the completely sexist commentary. Yowsa! I guess it doesn’t help, either, that I’m not Christian. So, I have a hard time with the – God wants me to do this/not do this – mentality when it comes to sex and marriage. I love my husband. I married him because I wanted to spend my life figuring shit out…with him by my side to help make everything seem less confusing…or at least less lonely. Sure, I have spiritual beliefs…but they don’t belong in my bed. And if I ever left him for another man – I sure as hell wouldn’t expect him to be waiting around for me when I finally got my head out of my ass. Who the hell is this woman married to? And who the hell are these people? And last, but not least…how the hell did I find this stupid video in the first place – Google is a strange guide, I must say.