Mr. LL and I were having one of our usual sex conversations (we talk about it at least as much as we do it, if not more), and an interesting few questions about submission and dominance came up. Looking at a photo of a woman in a black corset with a whip, standing over a man, face down on a bed, with his hands stretched out above him, tied to the rails of the headboard, we considered the possibility of me being in that position. Mr. LL and I have tried it – the role play of myself being in control…over him. Doesn’t work with us. Gave us both a bad taste in our mouths. But, could it work if it wasn’t Mr. LL?
Hmmmm. Since we’re simply speaking theoretically, I suppose I can say “possibly” – given the right circumstances. Could I see myself dominating another person besides my husband (with or without his witnessing it?). Yes. Maybe.
So then, Mr. LL broaches the possibility of it being a woman…could I dominate a woman? I guess. More easily than a man? Hmmmm…I don’t know. I guess it would depend on the woman…just as it would depend on the man. S(he) would have to be, in my mind’s eye, more fragile than me – not necessarily weaker, but more feminine? I don’t know if that’s the best description. And I do get that it’s about giving up control to someone, willingly, so everyone is making a conscious decision about their place in the relationship.
The following night, we continue the discussion. Only this time, Mr. LL hits the nail on the head. Could I, he inquired, do to another what he requested.? Could I take directions, instructions, orders from him and then carrying them out on a Submissive? Be the intermediary? Immediately, it made sense. Yes, absolutely…I could see myself doing it this way. I wouldn’t really feel comfortable doing it on my own, but if he was telling me what to do, such as “Smack her ass for me.” Mmmm hmmm.
I have this weird need for the traditional. Not that I don’t have a kinky streak…but I like my men to be “men”…to take control of the situation. I don’t mean to control me per se. I’ve done the whole tie-me-up thing. And, don’t get me wrong, there is an element of sexiness about being restrained and having to give up control to someone else (there’s a huge trust element here, as well – at least for me). And I love reading about it – The Story of O, The Sleeping Beauty series, several stories by Anais Nin. I get it. I just haven’t done it. And if I did, honestly, I think I’d make a more natural Sub – just because I’m not much for telling others what to do (odd, since I do it professionally every day – but I suppose that’s more common that not, huh?)
Mr. LL’s name for a woman in this type of arrangement…him leading me to lead another: The Dom’s Dom.
The funny thing here is that Mr. LL is not really my Dom. There is very little BDSM in our mix – a smack here, a few ropes there, without any sense of commitment to the regimen. I am not into humiliation or subjugation. I don’t judge those who are, it just isn’t really for me. Now. That’s not to say that my needs and wants won’t change over time.
I’ll have to continue mulling this over. We talk about a lot of crazy shit – and do about a third of it. But, then, we wouldn’t have done even that third if the conversations hadn’t happened. Talk, in our house, is not cheap.
So, the catalysts to this conversation?
Client Nine and Half’s post “Top in the Streets, Bottom in the Sheets” (what a witty little title, eh?)
Words on Screen – “Owned” (part 4) – yummy little bit, this – a must read!
Under Contract to Wife – Slacker Reports for Duty