Experience,  Opinion

What goes on in a girl’s mind when…

She has her first kiss:  am I doing it right…is it supposed to feel like this…did I brush my teeth this morning…what should I do with my hands…what if he wants more…do I want more…should I breathe through my nose…oh, god, what are those tingles…is my body supposed to be doing this…what do I do when this is over…what do I say…oh shut up and just enjoy it…are we going to get caught…what’s that noise…


She masturbates:  mmmmmm…yes…that’s it….right there…why is this so easy for me and so hard for everyone else…(envisions lover…boyfriend…boyfriend’s friends…husband…husband’s friends…girlfriends…cute, nameless guys she’s seen recently)…(watches porn from corner of eye, maybe)…oh yeah….(massages clit and inserts fingers in various places)…here it comes…(touches breasts, insides of thighs)…god that is the best kind of warmth (heat comes from within from groin to the belly to the chest to the throat to the cheeks)…holy mother of…ahhhh…I think I’ll roll over for a little nap…


She’s having sex:  (see above)…oh, fuck, I wish (s)he’d just give me the dick/pussy….why does he/she have to tease me…fuck…fuck…shit, the spot is just fucking out of reach…it’s maddening (in a good way) when his/her dick/fingers/tongue just clip it over and over and over….oh god…(see above)…sex is so much better than masturbation…nothing beats having something in my hands to grab besides myself…(lots and lots of emptiness and beautiful numbness in the head)…


She’s being watched having sex:  what does he/she want to see…what will turn him/her on…let’s try this…(looking at him/her for verification)…oh, the eye contact turns me on…watch me…(and then she pretty much gets lost in the act because being watched is such an utter turn on)

She’s watching someone else have sex:  that’s what I’m talkin’ about…mmm….let me try…I wanna touch…do that to me…let me do that to her/him…that’s hot….


She sees some hot guy (or gal) bent over digging around in his (or her) car looking for something in the passenger seat:  if I could only get away with grabbing his (or her) ass or reaching my hand between his (or her) legs…damn…


She’s getting dressed for a date where sex is imminent:  which panties make my hips and ass look best…which bra provides the best cleavage…which perfume smells the sexiest…which dress is tightest, shortest, and has the lowest cleavage…why can’t I live in a town where I can get away with wearing this…which jeans are tightest and make my ass look round and smooth…which shirt shows off my boobs without letting them fall out…will this leave unsexy marks when he/she takes it off…will this be easy to take off…will this be easy to get back on…will this look good from behind…will this make him/her hot all through dinner…will this be fun to take off…does this cover up (insert body part(s) she hates here)…how will this look on the floor…


She’s alone in bed:  I wonder if my vibrator needs new batteries…let’s check….mmmmmm….

Contrary to popular belief, most women think about sex nearly as often as men do, we just don’t talk about it as much (well, some of us do), which leads the world to think we abhor it, or at least would rather do without it.

I love sex…I love watching and being watched.  I love to touch men…and I love touching women; a writhing mess of bodies is where it’s at, but I love being alone and intimate with just one person, as well.  I love masturbating (the easiest way on the planet to forget everything…if only for a few minutes).

I think about sex.  I talk about sex.  I write about sex.  I dream about sex.

But from what I’ve read…there does seem to be a stereotype that women aren’t supposed to be like this.  That somehow it is wrong or less acceptable than when men do the same.

Recently I got the internet ADD and found several forums and articles addressing the issue of “women who hate sex”.  E’gads…I said to myself.  What a horrible way to go through life.  I’ll be exploring this in an upcoming post.  So stay tuned.


  • Cindy Loomis-Torvi

    Interesting post. I cannot say I have that many thoughts running through my mind at any given moment about sex. In fact I find it damn difficult to write about, particularly the POV of any character, and that though it might be on my mind, it might also be buried under the enormous list of spring cleaning/garden prep/planting seeds/will it be warm enough to finally clean the carpets/my husband drives me nuts nesting in nearly every room why can't he keep his shitcontained to his office/I wonder how the boys are doing this week/should I call?/ very glad we aren't grandparents yet/I haven't done inventory/business filing for taxes/I need more research time/you want me to make time to color and create???
    Yeah, so, that's how my mind works. Hundreds of files open, while working through my day. Often I'm baking and mulling plot points, sermons, academic writing. I've done this for decades, this high end multi tasking age it pisses me off when I can't remember it all. My husband is in the same mindset, only he's finally not working 100hrs or more a week. He had his very first weekend off in fifteen months. It's not that either of us hate sex, don't enjoy it. It's simply buried somewhere.

    Women who hate sex: I hated sex with my ex husband because it was the worst thing in the world. I eventually filed for divorce, took a year to clear the garbage out of my head and figure what I wanted for the first time in my adult life, not what others wanted me to do. Very liberating. I started dating this guy that I knew as a working colleague, a friend, but not a special friend if you will. We're celebrating our tenth anniversary this year. And we're very happy to be doing so.

    I think the aspect of hating sex might have do also do with the fact that many partners can be subtlety or openly undermining a woman, her looks, her abilities and expect in spite of that nasty crap, these same women will willing have sex with that same abusive partner. I didn't understand I could actually feel joyful and feel loved during sex, until I unloaded 195 pounds of male asshole and found the right person. 23 years with the wrong person, three kids later, and he still wants to make your life as jus partner a living hell. Been there, never want to go back.

  • Brigit Delaney

    There are a lot of reasons, for sure, that women…or anyone, for that matter…don't like sex. I'm glad you managed to make your way into circumstances that let you clear your head and find a better place.

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