Several weeks ago, I saw a story come across my blog roll (from Violet Blue’s site Tiny Nibbles). It referenced “holy sex toys”, so of course I had to click. What on earth could that mean?
After reading the article, written for The Daily Beast by Allison Yarrow, I spent a good 1/2 and hour visiting some of the retail sites mentioned in the article.
What struck me wasn’t the idea of religious people having sex. Duh…they have kids, right? They have all the appropriate parts and feelings, too…yes? What got me was the consumer aspect. The toys sold on these sites are no different than the ones you’d find on any sex toy site or at any adult store. But, the site try to take away the “dirty” overtone of sex toys by avoid pornographic sounding product names, nixing the sexy imagery, and keeping their descriptions and other text “clean” and professional.
I actually thing they have something here.
I can definitely say that there are certain stores I would not even go into because they look “unsavory”. For example, there are a few adult stores in town…one is decently clean with some discreet alley parking. Another is a trailer with the business name spray-painted across the front. Hmmmm…which one am I more likely to choose?
Even when I’m feeling my dirtiest, I still want to feel safe (though I realize the lack of safety is sometime a turn-on for others).
Another thing they have right, in my opinion, is that sex isn’t inherently dirty. Sex is natural. It should be fun. Some people have fetishes or like to add a bit of kink (which is a relative term anyway, since what is kinky to one person will be rather tame to another).
I like “dirty” sex from time to time. The kind that makes me feel a bit slutty…the kind that pushes my boundaries and makes me blush when I think about it later.
But I also like having that sort of intensely emotional sex that makes me feel that much closer to my husband. I’d definitely say that this kind of sex borders on spiritual. Married sex should be everything both partners want it to be. A healthy sex life is an important part of a healthy marriage. It’s a well-known fact that sex is at the top of the list of things causing the most discord in marriages. Part of the problem is simply in communication. One partner wants one thing but doesn’t know how to tell the other or isn’t willing to admit it for fear of being judged. The other partner feels pushed or ignored or any other number of unintended emotions. It leads to a downward spiral.
I’ve had the best sex of my life since I’ve been married. Part of it is experience…but a major factor is that we talk about it…a lot. We share fantasies, try things out (not everything works, mind you), and discuss things afterward.
It’s about trust. No matter what we try…a new toy, a new position, a new setting, a new partner…there’s always an out.
Don’t get me wrong…we have our ups and downs…our sex life cycles…our wants and needs change over time.
But we never stop talking about it.
I could only hope that all marriages would have this type of trust and communication. And if websites like these can help others realize that everyday people have amazing sex on a regular basis and that sex, sexual thoughts, fantasies, and extending one’s sexual possibilities are not “bad” or “dirty”…then maybe there will be more people smiling on the street.
Honestly, everyone (of age) should be having sex. It’s good for the heart, good for the ego, and good for the soul.
Another little site, I came across:
Kudos to these ladies for having the “balls” to start a site like this. From their “position of the week” to their “romantic ideas”, this is an invaluable resource for women of all types (Christian or not). It’s great to see people hacking away at the stereotype of the chaste, prudish, religious wife who hates sex and only has it to procreate.
No one should feel guilty for wanting or liking sex.