Submissive or Dominant?

So…interesting day.  But let me begin at the end.

Sitting on the couch after a movie, wine, martini, dinner, great day with the family.  Kid in bed.  Quiet after the movie.  Discussion:  what makes a submissive and a dominant?  What makes a good relationship?  Yin and yang.  Positive and negative.

Then…a continuation of a conversation we’ve had dozens of times before…but new.  Why Henry and Anais?  Why not Henry and June?  Why June and Anais?  Why not Henry and June?  Classic case of incompatibility.  Two dominant personalities do not work…for long.  Two submissive personalities do not work…for long.  You must have both sides of the coin.  And neither is less powerful than the other.  Both are necessary.

Hence the quote at the bottom of my page.

It’s taken me years to understand my own sexuality.  Years to get that wanting a man to take control, to seduce me, devour me, take me, is not selfish.  It’s taken me a long time to learn that some men want to do this, and that it is natural.

I totally get women who want the control.  They ride on top, they push, they aggressively take the reins.

I am not one of these women.


We went to lunch…drove around doing errands.  And I stayed in the car with the kiddo while he ran into place after place.  What a build up.

He said he had to prepare for “nap time.”

Which took us to the drug store…the adult store…the hardware store.

And I can only tell you that my interest grew with each stop, engine running, entertaining the kids in the backseat while we waited for “daddy to get a few things”.

Of course, our kid is young.  He has no clue what is going on, nor should he ever.

But, secretly, my mind was running amok.  What on earth was he buying in there?  What was in my not-so-distant future?

Anyhow, we returned home, sleeping children in tow.

And then, adult time.

He told me to read on the couch while he prepared….I listened to the clattering and bumping, wondering and looking forward to what would happen.  Apprehension.

When he came out to retrieve me, I was fairly well riled.

He led me to the bedroom, handed me ear plugs and blindfolded me.  He wanted those senses dulled so that I could focus on the ones remaining.

He set me on the bed, bound my hands, spread above my head.  Several minutes passed, stroking, caressing, kissing, teasing.

He bound my feet and pulled them up with rope to spread my knees.  Without pictures, it is hard to describe, but he did a fair job of rendering me exposed.  He licked and tickled and thrust his penis in a few times.  He brushed his penis past my lips in the process of tying me up, giving me enough pause to suck and kiss a few times.  And then he introduced a few new toys…buzzing and inserting and fondling his way to a very intense orgasm before he pushed himself into me and came.

We have joked about his coming causing a Pavoloviac response in me.  He comes, and in very little time, I respond by coming as well.

There is little I love more than feeling him filling me.  As it gushes out, I can do nothing to control the contractions that ensue.  It is automatic.  Possibly instinctual.

So today, not only have I learned that I still like sensory deprivation, I also learned that I like to be tied up.  I like having not obligation to pretend that I have control.  I can simply lay back and enjoy, knowing that I have no other option anyway.

I learned that being a submissive is not about submitting power, it is about submitting control…which is a choice, and therefore just as powerful as asserting control.


This is a new place for me.  Not because I didn’t know this about myself, but because I didn’t know this about US.


Thank god I found my Henry.  And thank god I am both Anais AND June…because, while I can handle watching my husband fuck and be fucked by another woman…I could not handle sharing his love.

Sorry so serious tonight.  Maybe it’s the booze.  Or maybe…it’s just because I feel intensely lucky to have been blessed by such an amazing relationship.  It has opened my eyes to a world I never would have sought on my own.  A world I might never have enjoyed.  A world I would not want to enter with anyone other than my best friend.

Lights out.


  • Ximena

    I learned that being a submissive is not about submitting power, it is about submitting control…which is a choice, and therefore just as powerful as asserting control.YES! I remember telling someone else this when we discussed it, and it shut their mouth quick. Submissives can stop the play with a word, no matter how rough it might be. I went even further by asking "Who's really in control??"…because, while I can handle watching my husband fuck and be fucked by another woman…I could not handle sharing his love.I don't know whether I'm at that place yet – if I love him, it makes me physically hurt to see him touching someone else the way he touches me – but I respect and admire those who are at a higher plane of thinking. I imagine such things take security, patience, and experience.

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