Experience: Friends with Benefits?

Mmmm…they’re my favorite kind.  Most of the time.  As long as the benefits come drama-free.  For example, we have some friends that we love to hang out with…our kids know each other, we enjoy drinks and dancing  together, and on occasion – a little bump and grind…naked, between the sheets.

But then, there are the friends who can’t seem to leave their drama at home.  For example…

There’s this couple with whom I’ve been friends for years.  In fact, I knew them before I even knew my husband.  We’d go out dancing and drinking and dining every Friday night.  Mr. Couple insinuated early on that he found me attractive.  Mrs. Couple teased that if Mr. C didn’t have her, he’d definitely try to squirm his way into my good graces…and certainly between my thighs.  It was all in good flirtatious fun and everyone was on board.

Then, a few years back, Mr. LL and I went to a gathering at their waterfront cabin.  There were a few other couples there all enjoying the fresh mountain air and a few too many libations.  Somehow, at the end of the night, Mrs. Couple, one of the other gals, and I all ended up in a bed “snuggling”, fondling and generally being suggestive in a PG-13+ sort of manner.

Later, in the course of the evening, Mr. Couple hi-jacked me on the way back from the outhouse, trying to convince me that Mrs. C was totally into it and that we could definitely “get it on.”  Now, even drunk I have my limits when it comes to other couples’ boundaries.  It’s very important to me that couples be honest with each other; it’s why and how it works for Mr. LL and myself.  We are brutally and completely honest with each other.  We make rules, set boundaries, and do not sway from the path we create.  Even though our path morphs and changes from time to time, it is always before we are in a situation that might entail the need to stick to the rules.  Obviously, Mr. and Mrs. C have not had the kinds of conversations Mr. LL and I have had.  Nor have they had the experiences and opportunities to learn their limits.  Even though we have encouraged them to do so, they continue to ignore the discussion, but don’t seem to be able to keep from stirring things up when we all get together.

So, not being a complete idiot, I told Mr. C that nothing could happen between anyone unless Mrs. C was well aware and willing.

The problem:  Mr. C is always willing, and Mrs. C always seems willing when it’s just her and I.  We’ve made out before – away from the boys (with their knowledge, of course – I have no reason to hide anything).  But, anytime it involves anyone else, she completely turns off.  Unless she’s been drinking and forgets that she’s already freaked out on us once…then she finds it completely acceptable to make suggestive comments to both myself and Mr. LL.

There have been a few other instances…even quite recently – just the other night, at my regular Friday evening girls’ get-together, Mrs. C suggested we go pick up some take-out on the way home and grab another glass of wine.  This took us away from the crowd, alone, where wine was involved and we were close to her house (which, conveniently, was devoid of all other inhabitants).  She told me about her new camera and that she was just learning how it worked and would like some willing subjects to practice on.  Right about that time, a few of our other friends happened upon us and put the conversation to a close.

When I came home, I vented to Mr. LL – “There she goes again, trying to start something she doesn’t really have the wherewithal to finish.”

For, I truly am frustrated with this woman.  After all of the opportunities that she has been given to “play”, she has always chickened out at the last minute.  I have been a patient and willing teacher.  I have offered her time and processing.  But, like many men – once I have been teased into a frenzy and left wanting enough times, I’m no longer interested.


So, not only is she my “sort of” friend…she’s a cock tease AND a twat tease.  Fuck.  Double damn.

Obviously, I’m not about to go there.  It’s too dangerous.  Too emotional.  Too everything.

Better to look elsewhere, toward people who know what they want and can commit to it.

I do…and I can.

But, since we all run in the same circles, it is likely that we will meet up with the C’s again in the future.  The upside?  It gets easier and easier to walk away before the conversation ever gets started.

“The soul should always stand ajar, ready to welcome the ecstatic experience.” Emily Elizabeth Dickinson

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One Comment

  • H

    I agree there is nothing better than friends with benefits as long as the benefits do not get in the way of being friends…. well stated

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