Chapter One:  “What a Smart Girl Wants”

Okay, a few days ago, I did a post inspired by the introduction of this book by Violet Blue (see my links for her site).  Then, I promptly read the 1st chapter and began to mull over the issues and ideas she presents.

I will first say that the book itself does not hold much “new” information for me yet.  Nor is it written with any particularly astounding style or craft, but I did appreciate a few points that have been made so far:

1)  Women watch, enjoy, and want more from their porn.
2)  Desire, for women, is NOT all in our heads:  meaning we CAN and ARE stimulated simply by the visual representation of a sexual act sans emotion or seduction of our senses – though we often prefer the two to come intertwined.

The section entitled “Why Does a Smart Girl Watch Porn?” was disappointing.  Not so much because it was weak or wrong…but because I’m sad that so many women are deprived enough that porn would be a viable stand-in for the lack of a stimulating sex life with their partner.  Porn can be a quick and easy aide for “getting off”.  I’m not going to say I’ve never used it in that way, or that my husband and I haven’t used it as a “starter” or “background noise”.  But, I don’t satisfy my sexual curiosity through porn (in fact, I find porn to be fairly formulaic and unimaginative).

I did appreciate her idea of using porn to experience things you’d never try yourself – and the short discussion on “fantasy” being just that, and not necessarily something you WANT to play out in real life.  Porn can let you “experience” a gang bang…a forceful sex act…humiliation…power over another…even things less savory or socially unacceptable.  Things you might think about, things that might even turn you on, but things you wouldn’t actually want to play out in real life (and I’m not making any statement here on what makes “acceptable” or “unacceptable” sex….it’s really whatever makes consenting adults happy).  And even if you wouldn’t really want to do some of the things you enjoy watching on screen…it doesn’t mean you can’t learn something about yourself in the process.  Watching porn can help you develop a working list of what leads to arousal for you.  That can carry over to your own sex life.  It can inform the decisions you make about who and where and how you have sex…what toys you purchase…and where you need to have your “head” to make sex as satisfying as possible – for everyone involved.

(And just an FYI…this is a first of a series of “book club” entries for this book.  And I plan to do others in the future….just look for the “Book Club” label.  And if you have fiction or non-fiction suggestions, please fess up.  Also, if you want to join in the discussion…grab a copy yourself, read along, and comment at will.  I love a good book talk!)

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